KittyLitter_x's Xanga

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 22:59:35 GMT

Ha... months later.

Things are not well. I'm failing 2 of my classes, still cutting, and still struggling with the ED shit. At least I'm down to 96 now. I don't know why but losing weight is so hard for me. Most people can fast for a few days and lost 2-3 lbs, easy. I take SO long to lose anything. It's really frusterating. yea.

Tommarow I'm starting at a different hospital. My mom found out about pretty much everything and this is the result. I'm really fucking pissed about it though because of all the people I've known who've gone to this program (and I've known a lot.) none of them have liked it, and the timing of it all is just really fucking dandy. Yeah, I haven't been going to school like I should be, but October is definitely the best part of the entire school year and I just hate the fact that I'm going to miss it all. Plus , some of my friends are REALLY not doing so well and I feel like if I'm not there for them they'll do something bad. Because I know for a fact that one of my best friends is feeling suicidal. It just really worrys me. A lot. I don't know. . .

On the bright side, (ha, bright...) I'm going to see MCR this friday , NIN on november 2nd, and having a Halloween party on , well halloween. So those will be fun. Right now I'm dying my bangs red and that is also good. yay.

I have a huge strange curiousity about LSD. I really want to try it. Is that bad? Probably. *shrugs*

Well, umm.... I don't even know what else to say really. I just felt like I should update this thing because I never do. And I still really like the site. I have like 812347928 xangas though.... but o well. Once my hair is done maybe I'll post a picture on here.

I suppose that's it for now.

<3 <3 </3

P.S. Ville Valo and Marilyn Manson are GODS

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 03:56:03 GMT

Sorry it's been so long. A lot of things have been going on. Thank you all for your comments . . . <3 They mean a lot. I'm not sure how much I'll keep up on this one , and the entries might be really spread apart in time because I have :

eightyfive_xx <-- my mainly ED one

and

xQuiet_Roomx <-- my normal one.

and I dont get a lot of time to update all of them. I do like this one though so I'm gonna try.

Things have been mainly the same , if not worse. Downhill. Losing friends. Struggling but not getting anywhere with my ana problem. . . still stuck at fucking 100 , It never changes at all. Also of course still struggling with the cutting , although I havent been doing it as much and instead keeping everything inside (which isn't the best idea) because I have to go on vacation soon and I dont want to draw notice to myself. *shrugs* It's really irritating , but I guess no more irritating then everything else my shit life hands to me. O well , I'm gonna shut up because I'm being a whiner.

P.S. here's a picture of me just because.

( not taken in 2002 , my camera likes to play games. )

</3 </3 </3
QU

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Sun, 08 May 2005 03:29:44 GMT

mmm. . . the hospital thinks that I will be "ready for discharge into outpatient treatment" (ready to leave) by Friday of this coming week. Well , I WONT be ready , but I dont care , not really , not at all. I dont really care about anything. Is it wrong? I suppose it is. But I cannot feel if it is wrong or write ... I don't feel anything. Anything except for these damn cold emotions swimming around in me. I suppose I should be used to it by now. Will I ever be used to it ?

~sociopath~

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 20:24:04 GMT

cigarettes and coffee are the best things in the world

Friday, April 22, 2005

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 02:06:48 GMT

The hospital is going quite well. I started last friday. I do not like the new lady, Mary, though. She replaced Angie. Angie moved to a different hospital. Angie was better. She was more leniant and looked like an Elf when she wore green. It was pretty. Mary is very ruly. But life is definitely not always what you want. We got a new girl today. Her name is Hannah. She is a lesbian. She is in 8th grade. Shes pretty. Shes strange. I like her. Kira smoked in the bathroom today, too. Funny funny. I could never get away with that. Today though, they found out that I cut in the bathroom there, and were going to search my bags to see if I had my razor with me, so I panicked, and gave it to Kira, so they do not find anything. She is giving it to me tomorrow. And shes giving me a cigarette tomorrow too. Thank the fucking jesus. Heh. I need one real bad.

Vince likes Shana. That's good. I feel happy for her. She deserves it unlike anyone else. I hope that it works out between them. I saw Shana today. Her, Danielle, Megan and I went and saw Into the Woods at the school. It was fun. We saw John changing his clothes. Orgasm on a shiskabob. Aah. David got a hair cut. It doesn't look as bad as everyone thinks it does. *shrugs* oyu enede otu tellg voret felsooy uterus. *sigh*

Tomorrow I am getting together with My baby. I'm excited. Hah, I stole some stuff to wear under my clothes at Kohls the other day... and i have this really pretty red velvet dress I am going to wear. We are going to go out to dinner and then go see the play (again). Then I am going over Diana's house to sleep over. I have never slept at her house before. It should be interesting.

Well, I will be off.

</3 uterus

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 17:09:14 GMT

Last night I slept over Kim's. We stayed up till 3:30 and heard this hilarious catfight oustide at 2:15. And then she screamed "PUBES!!!!!!!" out the window to her dad and he threatened to ground her. I'm such a simpleton. Yea, but she's having tonyyyyyyyyy over today. tony tony. tsk tsk. I'm not sure what I think about this tony. He's a little... controlling. It worries me.

I havent cut for a few days, and the only reason is that I'm not sure if I'm able to wear that sweater for ballet. To cover them. I dont know. I am so dumb sometimes. Tomrrow I have an appointment with my psychiatrist about the hospital. hopefully I'll be in by sometime this week. I WAS hoping by tuesday, hah, because I have some big spanish project that I havent done any of it due tuesday, but That's not going to happen. tsk, oh well.

bye bye cuntface

</3QU

EDIT:// 3:34PM
Made a new layout. I like it

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 02:42:23 GMT

Hmm, tonight I'm probably gonna do it again. today I hung out with Zach. We watched The Lost Boys. it was funny. Kiefer sutherland was really hot. Haha. Hmmm. Here's a poem. I wrote it last year.

Symphony

I'm a depression thing
cry and make me feel
scream, the skys' not falling
none of this is real.
scars left on my body
to yell, pull out my hair
worry bout the little things
the big ones 'arent there.'

creeping deathly anger
lives down deep inside
warn me of the sunshine
simply nothing to hide
the peace is worn to pieces
the nothingness to blame
the symphony inside my head
adds to this spinning game
the symphony inside my head
it laughs and won't be tamed..

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 19:41:46 GMT

I'm going back to the hospital next week. I want to. I hate our school and can't wait to get out of it. I'm going to try to stay for as long as I can. I've been there twice already, and I like it. I cut last night, just a few on my upper arm, and it felt so fucking good because I hadnt cut on my arm for months (I've been doing it on my ankle, which is just NOT the same), and god, I want to again so much. The big fucking question though, is my fucking ballet class. I have a dance sweater that would be a BIG help, but I'm not sure if I can wear it. whatever. All of my friends are recovering, and I'm-- once again-- standing right where I've always been, not moving one bit in the direction of recovery. Not that I want to recover. It just gets lonely.

</3QU

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 18:47:55 GMT

I made this xanga so I can write what I'm feeling inside without all of my friends reading it and getting in my face about all of it.